A new bend

Today, it became official. I have stepped into a new chapter of my life. It was strangely strange. I guess I do not know my feelings.

I said my goodbyes. At the end, they handed me a certificate for ** years of service. It was taken out of a cupboard, along with a small silver medal, and handed over like a candy. I could see the piled-up certificates of people who did not collect theirs. Mine was at the bottom of that pile. 

** years. When I pause to think about it, it feels like an entire lifetime. Things like this do give you a sense of perspective of the time that has passed. Otherwise, I've no sense of time. It just feels like everything happened the other day. I have no sense of time except for the present moment. Everything becomes a memory, and there is nothing much to it.  It's strange how things are only happening in the present moment. 

I managed to complete all the paperwork for my exit. Multiple forms and clearance from so many agencies. A mountain of documentation, really. It felt endless, but I got it all done. After all those years, the final act was simply closing files and signing the last page.

And now I find myself wondering what comes next.

I would like to do nothing, but lately it feels as though the universe might be gently nudging me to continue on, to keep moving, to keep doing something more. I wonder why. Perhaps there is still something meant for me ahead, or I do not deserve the quiet respite (for now). 

I have always believed the universe is kind. When I look back at my life, I feel that kindness very deeply.

I am grateful for this life. Grateful for the people who walked into my life.

Most of all, I am grateful for <> —my one true companion and closest friend. I am grateful to him in a way that is difficult to put into words. I've complained over the years, but in the end, I'm grateful that we walked into each other's lives. I'm grateful for the world he has given me, and the world we have slowly built together. When we first met, I was alone and clueless. So many things have happened since we met. We've built a family. something I never really expected for myself. That alone feels like a quiet miracle. There was never a dull moment. There were colours and life became fuller because of <>.

When I look at it this way, I realise the universe truly has been kind to me.

So I cannot complain. Instead, I will step onto this new path and see where it leads. I hope luck walks beside me. And more than anything, I hope that in the years ahead I will continue to find new reasons, each day, to feel grateful